Why did the Chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide
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What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim-lich maneuver.
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Who was the most important Knight of the Round Table? Sir Cumference.
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I finally finished baby proofing the house. Let's see those babies get in here now.
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Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night? Wild Twerky!
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What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies.
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What did the koala bear say to the barber? You ca-lip this?
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What's the best part of a baker's body? Their buns.
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I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew.
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Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired
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What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm? Washed a Ton State.
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An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.
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I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble.
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What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef!
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I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.
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What was wrong with the wooden car? It wooden go.
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More retailers should adopt the "Leave A Penny / Take A Penny" system. It is literally, common cents.
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What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz? Elephants Gerald
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What did one computer CPU say to the other after getting hit? Ow! That megahertz!
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