How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos
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How do you make a computer your best friend? You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!
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What is Mozart doing right now? *Decomposing*
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I know a guy who collects candy canes... they are all in mint condition.
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As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
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I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person.
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Why do ghosts carry tissues? Because they have BOOOOgers.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit? a Neck-tarine --From a great co-worker
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What happened to the butched after he backed into the meat grinder? he got a little "behind" in his work
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My Bucket List * ~~Five gallon bucket~~ * ~~Mop bucket~~ * Bucket hat
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If all of Ireland sank, what part of it wouldn't? County Cork
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Why did the cashier go to the doctor? She had a case of the twenties.
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Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow?
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon? There was no atmosphere
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How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats!
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How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? #
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What do you call a fish who works for the government? An Official.
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Why did the redditor go to /r/zelda? To boost his link karma!
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Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids.
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