What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? "Look grandpa, no hands!"
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What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again!
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Why do fish live in salt water? Because *pepper* makes them sneeze!
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What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs? A Cairopractor!
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What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of? Autumn Leaves.
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What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
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"We don't serve time travelers here" A time traveler walks into a bar.
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A photon checks into a hotel... The bellhop asks him if he has any luggage and the photon replies "No. I'm travelling light."
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What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird.
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Two atoms walk into a bar... One says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
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Today, the doctor told me that the bottom of my heart has stopped functioning. My girlfriend will be disappointed; that's the part I loved her from.
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what does Clark Kent have for breakfast? alter-eggos
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Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Whos there? Control Freak. Con Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?
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What is a bacteria's OTHER favorite dish? The PETRI dish!
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What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions? A Humblebee.
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What happened to the runny nose... it tripped and fell. Now it's all boogered up.
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Why don't blind people like skydiving? It scares the crap out of the dog.
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Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because the octopus was well armed.
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How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1
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