What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess? "It's stale, mate."
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What did the Estonian student say in language class? I'll never Finnish. *dodges tomato*
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Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors? If it had four it'd be a chicken sedan!
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What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial? "I was just following odors."
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Why did tomato blush? because it saw the salad dressing
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What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called? Running a Background Check.
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Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog.
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Why do birds fly south for the winter? because its too far to walk!
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Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast? The game warden found out he poached his eggs!
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Apple just released a brand new programming language called Swift. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience.
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When is booger not a booger? When it('s not).
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I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone
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Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball!
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Whats the problem with tainted money? It taint yours and it taint mine!
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What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? Denim Denim Denim
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I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after!
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What did the one wall say to the other wall? "Meet you at the corner"
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You know why ancient Greek children were always getting lost from their parents? 'Cause they kept Roman around!
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Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan.
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