Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane? He was on the "No Fry" list.

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What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Why couldn't the alligator satisfy his lover? He had a reptile dysfunction.

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I hate girls with double standards unless they're pretty.

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So I work in a Steak House and all the people there are really lazy So I must say after working there: That it's rare to see a job well done

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What do you say when you find two banana peels together? Answer: A pair of slipper

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Where do dinosaurs get their pickles from? Vlasic Park

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How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet

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A broom only likes one brand of comedy. Dustpan.

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What does a hawk call a high ledge? A *falcony!*

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What do you call Batman skipping church? Christian Bail.

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What do you call beef that's been burned? A mis-steak.

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What do you call an alligator with a vest? An Investigator!

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Why didn't the fisherman go to Florida to fish for long jawed fish with rows of razor like teeth? He didn't have a Gar

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... ... It's impossible to put down

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles.

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What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a duck? A firequacker.

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Why did the table love playing volleyball? Because it was always getting set

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Two peanuts were walking down the street.... And one of them was assaulted

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I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

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