Why did the chess master order a Russian bride? He needed a Chech mate!
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Why do galaxies put on boring shows while separated? Because their performance is lack-cluster.
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What do you call a t-shirt with stalks of wheat on it? A crop top!
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What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs? A Cairopractor!
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What has two arms and 14 legs? Guy who collects legs.
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I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, "Keep Frozen."
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I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?
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How do cows get their gossip? They herd it through the bovine.
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What does music have to do with safety? If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly.
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They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, no ones laughing now.
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Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired? He drove people bananas!
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What did music tell the pancakes? B flat.
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Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing.
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Why couldn't the alligator satisfy his lover? He had a reptile dysfunction.
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Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
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Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro-Bono
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Why don't crabs give to charities? They are shellfish.
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Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field.
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