Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much? Because he is an erascist.

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What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to? Defunct funk.

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Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach"

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I wanted to put a pizza joke here ...but it was too saucy.

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I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before hoes.. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis

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What gun do you use to hunt a moose? A moosecut!

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What do you call a race ran by female horses? A mare-a-thon.

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Why do elephants hide behind trees? To trip ants.

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How did the burglar get into the house? Intruder window

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My buddy says he is the world's worst at self-deprecating humor. he worried once he was too modest. Then realized he was wrong.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

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How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per-cushion.

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What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together!

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April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

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Two birds are sitting on a perch. One bird says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

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Heard the one about the corduroy pillowcase? It's making headlines.

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What do you call a plastic sheep? Lambinated!

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What did music tell the pancakes? B flat.

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Where do you drown a hipster? The Mainstream.

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