Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? You didn't hear? It made headlines!

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How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd.

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Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War? Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

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Why do ghosts carry tissues? Because they have BOOOOgers.

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Why arent koalas actual bears? They dont meet the koalafications.

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Why do Gastroenterologists have such a passion for their job? Because they find the components of one's stomach very intestine.

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You know what I hate about fashion designers? They are so clothes-minded.

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I went to a shredded cheese convention the other day... it was grate

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We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there.

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I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

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Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales

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Did you hear the one about the three eggs? Too Bad.

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Why did the woman buy new wine glasses? Because the ones she was using made everything blurry.

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My finger became really swollen after I jammed it Friday. And thats how I found out Im allergic to jam.

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What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin

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What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!

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So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you!

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The victim's body was found in the kitchen surrounded by eight empty boxes of cornflakes. Police suspect it was the work of a serial killer.

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What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes

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