Shout out to... baseball players who have three strikes.

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**Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie.

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There were two flies sitting on a toilet seat... one got pissed off.

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Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay? Because it was a freight!

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Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? To the retail store!

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Is your refrigerator running? Well, you better get glasses, and stop doing drugs

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Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For Drizzle

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How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd.

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6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider? Bacon and scrambled leggs.

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totally original joke/first post: What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed? "Shrank Sinatra"

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Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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Why did the musician call his parents? Because he hit a flat note.

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How do you find Will Smith in the winter? You search for Fresh Prints.

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There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows.

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what does Clark Kent have for breakfast? alter-eggos

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What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

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Whats Red and Smells Like Blue Paint? Red Paint

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What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Counterfitz

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What does a duck call a tractor? A quacktor

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