Why did the musician call his parents? Because he hit a flat note.
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Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the "L" out of them!
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So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you!
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I've just made a meeting site for retired chemists It's called Carbon Dating
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I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?
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What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing.
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What do the French call artificial feet for cats? Faux Paws
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Why are bears so hairy ? They don't have salons in the jungle !
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So how's the shoestring game goin'? Right now, it's ALL TIED-UP!
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If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?
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My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it.
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How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key.
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How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars*
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My teacher's nickname in school is Flush. He always has the same suit.
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Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!"
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What did the blue denims say to the black denims? I guess we have different genes!
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Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great!
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Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing? Because he was absolutely ribbeting!
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe you idiot! Breathe!"
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