Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog.
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What happened to the butched after he backed into the meat grinder? he got a little "behind" in his work
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How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.
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What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.
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what do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
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Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey.
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Why shouldn't you have coffee while on the clock? Because that would be "grounds" for termination!
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Why should you never invite a boxer to a party? He always throws the punch.
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I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world. Quite frankly, I think Europe is!
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I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.
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Why do elephants hide behind trees? To trip ants.
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Why do the French like eating snails? Because they can't stand fast food!
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16 sodium atoms walk into a bar followed by Batman.
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This is an X and Z conversation... Y are you in the middle?
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What did the apple say to the pear? [Man, go] away!
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A Bagpiper, a Kangeroo, an Irish poet, and Mother Theresa walk into a bar. The barman, who was drying a glass, lifted his head and asked, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I asked my soap who it voted for, and it said: I'd lather not say!
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Did you hear about the stallion and the mare? They had a stable relationship.
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Why do Hutus hate Dustin Hoffman? He impersonated a Tootsie.
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Why are there no midget accountants? They always come up short.
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