I hate people who talk about me behind my back... They discussed me.

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I went to the store and asked for a one handed sailor... he said sorry, "I'm a wholesaler."

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Where does a river keep its money? At the bank.

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What do you call someone who's studied Old Norse literature and become an expert. Well edda-cated.

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles.

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No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake!

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Why is Yoda afraid of seven? Because six seven eight.

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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

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What does a baker wear on his feet? Loafers.

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Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball? Because he couldn't find a date!

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What is heavy forward but not backward? **ton**

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Why did the football go to the doctor? It had a deflated ego.

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How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services? An arm and a leg.

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What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing

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What kind of boats do smart people ride on? Scholar ships!

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What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaaiiiins......

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I would think you'd have to be open minded... to be a brain surgeon.

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What happens when a spoon and fork get into a fight? civilwar

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linuxmint 13 or 15 question why does 13 have lts and not newer versions?

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Why did the banana go to the doctor? It had a split personality.

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