What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

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What's the smartest dinosaur? Thesaurus Rex!

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What do you call a lion in the circus. A Carny-vore

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Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised addition.

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How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per-cushion.

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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

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I made half a cup of tea the other day... It was so nice I had two.

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What song can never be played on #throwback Thursday? Friday by Rebecca Black

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Why did the pencil go to the doctor? It had a lead problem.

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Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot!

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What type of melon would Romeo and Juliet have been? Cantaloupe.

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Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea? They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee.

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What do you call someone who wears leather, likes bondage and likes getting inked? Moleskine

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How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much? Because they built their stuff with reads!

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Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle.

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What did the mama pig give her baby pig for its rash? ***OINKMENT!***

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This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, Is that a fret?

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I saw a middle aged man staring at a picture of his very first steps. With tears in his eyes, he told me he regrets ever replacing the steps with an elevator.

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What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one!

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What side dish do frogs like to enjoy with their hamburgers? French Flies!

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