Why does Snoop Dog carry and umbrella? Fo-Drizzle

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If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*.

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My shower had a bit of mildew- -but all it took was a little... scrubbing!!!

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Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss!

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First original joke! Why did the rapper visit the urologist? Because his flows were so sick.

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What is ISIS's favourite dessert? Terrormisu

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What animal is best at hitting a baseball? A bat!

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If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say "I knew you were trouble when you clocked in."

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Have a very Joseph Christmas! We shouldn't discriminate by sex, you know.

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What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy

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What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job? The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'

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My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified.

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So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny.

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what's orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot.

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What's a blind person's favorite fast food joint? Taco Braille

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Did you hear about the farmer that fell into the field machine and lost half his body? He's all right now!

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What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam

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How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight.

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What's the best part of a baker's body? Their buns.

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Why was the apricot late to the party? He got stuck in a jam.

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