Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied her.

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Why can't you run in a camp ground? You can only 'ran'; it's past tents.

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I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world. Quite frankly, I think Europe is!

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"We don't serve time travelers here" A time traveler walks into a bar.

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What's a difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"

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Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For Drizzle

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I'm making a band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we havent gotten a gig yet.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up.

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Why don't bears wear boots? Because they like to walk around in their bear feet.

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What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine? A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress

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Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales

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A police officer bought a robot this robot was fueled by sodium and alkaline, but could only hold enough for 24 hours at a time. so every morning he had to charge it with a salt and battery.

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I farted on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.

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How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty!

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I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight.

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What's a comedian's favorite candy? Laffy Taffy.

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Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish.

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How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs? He was delighted.

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What is green, has four legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you? A pool table!

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What is irony? Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe.

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