What did the hammer say to the drill? You're too boring.

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The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... "darn it..." I muttered.

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There once was a jealous zombie... But he ate his heart out.

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What is a rocket's favorite meal? Launch!

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What type of grain uses profanity? Vulgar Wheat

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How many goals did Germany score? gerMANY

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What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

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I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item?

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What did papa butter say to troublesome son butter? You had *butter* behave now, alright son? I sure know you don't want to get *whipped*!

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What did music tell the pancakes? B flat.

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What color T-shirt would win a race? Red, because it runs the most.

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What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in? A high rise

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What do cows like on their hotdogs? MOOstard.

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What's faster hot or cold? Hot! Because anyone can catch a cold! buh duh tsst

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom ... because the "p" is silent

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Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids.

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What did the plate say to the other plate? Dinners on me.

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What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird.

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What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano? Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!

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What does a Mexican magician make for breakfast? Toast-tah-dahs!

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