Why did the radio go to the doctor? It had static-itis.
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What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs
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What do you call it when your wife brings you rice porridge in prison? Congee-gal visit
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Two competing podiatrists opened offices next door to each other... They were arch enemies.
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I used to work at an orange juice factory... I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate.
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Who's the world's greatest underwater spy? Pond. James Pond.
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A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows
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Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush? Because he was a bear a-singing.
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Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much? Because he is an erascist.
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Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey.
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Every morning I run around the block 5 times... ...Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep
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Tasted the best Borscht ever! It'll be hard to beet.
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What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? [Denim, denim, denim.]
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Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the "Four Loaf Cleaver."
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What kind of soda do dogs drink? Barq's Root Beer.
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I knew this guy who would ask men at church, "is your tie made out of bird cloth?" *blank stare* "It's cheep, cheep, cheep."
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what do you call a vampire that sucks mucus instead of blood? nose-feratu!
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What do you call the object Attila the Hun uses to brush his leg hair? A Hun knee comb.
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Why did the lettuce get arrested? ...for disturbing the peas!
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