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Dr. Bronner's 18-In-1 Pure-Castille Soap

The Greatest Product Label Ever!

The following text is contained on the label for the 32 oz. bottle of "Dr. Bronner's SUPERMILD 18-in-1 BABY-CASTILE SOAP".

I will try to follow spelling and formatting as closely as possible for all the purists out there. I will also type in any redundant text; the repetition is important to the overall kookiness of the label.

The label itself is pink with white text, with the main part (that being the part that most other products use as their entire label) white with pink text. Across this is light blue text in the background which says: "UNSCENTED ADD YOUR OWN FRAGRANCE".

Here is the text for the main part of the label:

Dr. Bronner's SUPERMILD 18-in-1

Contains: Potassium solution, Coconut-Jojoba-Olive Oils.

No Perfume - 100% Pure

Pure Castile Soap

No Detergents

No Synthetics! None!

100% Biodegradable!

1. Always dilute for Shave-Shampoo-Massage-Dental-Soap Bath!

2. The mildest plain pure Baby Castile Soap made!

3. 1% & 99% hot water = facial pack, shampoo, hair conditioner!

4. A dash in glass water = breath freshening pure soap.

5. For massage, dilute 1 part in 10 parts hot water! Not oil!

6. Supermild soap like a lotion for the most delicate skin.

7. Dilute with hot water to clean & freshen from head to toe!

8. Supermild oil soap for Dispensers - Uniforms - Baby - Beach!

9. 3 dashes in water rinse most Sprays OFF Fruits & Vegetables!

10. Synthetics make suds good, but 100% natural soap is better!

HEALTH IS OUR GREATEST WEALTH, "K" (C) 1973 "ALL-ONE"

DON'T DRINK SOAP! KEEP OUT OF EYE! DILUTE! DILUTE! OK!

Guaranteed since 1948 by Einstein-Hellbronner ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH, INC.

Dr. Emmanuel H. Bronner Associates, SMMC, Soapmaker Master Chemist & Essene

Rabbi

Escondido, Box 28, Cal. 92033

Made in USA

4 oz:36 8 oz:24 16 oz:12 32 oz:12 1/2 Gal:8 Gal:4

Also on the main part of the label, but set off to the side:

Enjoy only 2 cosmetics, enough sleep & Dr. Bronner's 'Magic Soap' to clean

body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One! All-One! Absolute cleanliness

is Godliness! For facial packs, scalp & soothing body rub, add dash on bath

towel in sink of hot water. Wring out. Lay over face & scalp. Massage with

fingertips. Repeat 3 or 4 times 'til arms, Legs & all are rubbed, always

towards the heart. Rinse towel in plain hot water and massage again.

Breathe deeply! Health is Wealth. Within 9 minutes you feel fresh,

mint-clean, saving 90% of your hot water & soap, ready to teach the whole

Human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith! For we're All-One or none!

ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE!

HEALTHY HUNZA-TYPE FOOD

Try Dr. Bronner's Calcium Malt, Balanced Mineral Seasoning, Mineral

Bouillon, Corn Sesame, Sal Suds & Bar Soaps

And then, to finish off the main part of the label, this text appears

sideways:

TO SIMPLIFY & ENJOY LIFE MORE, DILUTE 1/2 OZ. OR 2 SQUIRTS OF THIS PURE

CASTILE SOAP WITH 2 GALLONS OR SINKFUL HOT WATER, THEN TOWEL MASSAGE A

FACIAL PACK, THEN WRING TOWEL OUT & FINGERTIP MASSAGE YOUR HAIR & SCALP.

ENJOY THE CREAMY EMOLLIENT LATHER ON BABY, BATH, BEACH, BODY, DENTURES,

MINT DEODORANT, SHAVING, MOUTHWASH-SILK-WOOL-PETS-DIAPERS-CAR-HAND & FOOT

SOAP.

pH8 = Mildest soap Made! God - made Eggwhite pH9

Athletes Foot: Soap, Dry, Apply Dry. OK!

100% CRUELTY-FREE

DILUTE: ENJOY 1 SOAP for 18 DIFFERENT USES! GUARANTEED NO SYNTHETIC

PEPPERMINT OILS & 100% VEGETARIAN. SUPERMILD CASTILE HAS OUTSTANDING WATER

SOFTENING & CLEANSING POWERS. PREFERABLE TO HARSH SOAP & DEFATTENING

SYNTHETICS. IT DOES NOT CUT DIRT, BUT DISSOLVES IT. IT IS THE MILDEST, MOST

PLEASANT SOAP YOU EVER USED OR MONEY BACK! ENJOY BODY RUB TO STIMULATE BODY

MIND-SOUL-SPIRIT AND TEACH THE ESSENE MORAL ABC UNITING ALL FREE IN THE

SHEPHERD-ASTRONOMER ISRAEL'S GREATEST ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH! GET $3 ESSENE

SCROLLS.

DILUTE IT...REFILL FROM GALLON OR DRUM AT STORE! OK!

The rest of the label's pinky vastness is full of tiny messages. I'll start

with the stuff that's sideways on the label:

"The 2nd coming of God's Law" Mohammed's Arabs, 1948, found Israel

Dead-Sea-Scrolls & Einstein's "Hillel" prove that as certain as no

6-year-old can grow up free without the abc, so certain can no 12-year old

survive free without the Moral ABC mason, tent & sandalmaker, Rabbi Hillel

taught carpenter Jesus to unite all mankind free in our Eternal Father's

great All-One-God-Faith! For we're All-One or none: "Listen Children

Eternal Father Eternally One!" Exceptions? None!

99. Thos. Paine: An Army of Principles can penetrate where an army of

soldiers cannot! It will succeed where diplomacy may fail! It will always

inspire-evolve-unite the Human race where any other weapon

divides-distorts-decays "ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH" Inspired by the Messiah,

Halley's Comet, the Blazing Star of Abraham-Israel-Bethlehem & Mohammed!

For who else but God gave man this sensuous passion, Love that can spark

mere dust to life! Revealing beauty in our Eternal Father's fashion,

poetry, uniting All-One, all brave, all life! Who else but God! Who else!

Each day, like a bird, perfect thyself first! Have courage and smile my

friend! Think & act 10 years ahead! And the man without fault? He's dead!

Do one thing at a time! Work hard. Get done! Then teach the Moral ABC that

unites all mankind free! Love is like a willful bird! Do you want it? It

flies away! Yet when you least expect it's bliss, it turns around & it's

here to stay! For centuries, man struggles, half asleep, half living,

small, jealous, bickering with mountains of red tape! To be awakened the

night God chose giving His great reward for hard work: poetry-unity-love,

evolving man above, above the ape! Passions that quicken your senses,

fulfill, quench the thirst of lonesome years! Yet the sun has shadows,

learn to control your will, to enjoy life-long happiness, not tears! For

God alone knows man's far distant future! Towards which love's unfailing

light shows clear the upward path to brotherhood-peace! Great tasks to

nurture, with strength and knowledge happiness can last! Love when

conquered after years of toil-sweat-blood, love can strike like greased

lightning sent by God to spark mere dust to intense blazing fire and create

new Love, faith-hope-guts-strength as only God Inspire! Unite the Human

race in our Eternal Father's great All-One-God-Faith, as all mankind desire!

Ok, now here's what is written horizontally down the label (each paragraph

is separated by a horizontal line):

Absolute cleanliness is Godliness! Who else but God gave man Love that can

spark mere dust to life! Poetry, uniting All-One! All brave! All life! Who

else but God! "Listen Children Eternal Father Eternally One!"

Einstein, 1939, after Nazis & Commies united, proposed spacebombs that

destroy all, unless we finally teach the Moral ABC's the real Rabbi Hillel

taught Jesus to unite all in All-One-God-Faith. As teach astronomers

Abraham-Israel-Moses-Buddha-Hillel-Jesus-Spinoza-Paine-Sagan & Mohammed,

inspired every 76 years, 6000 years by the Messenger of God's Law, the

sign of the Messiah, Halley's Comet: "WE'RE ALL ONE OR NONE!" "THERE IS NO

GOD BUT GOD!" "TEACH LOVE THY ENEMY!" "LISTEN CHILDREN ETERNAL FATHER

ETERNALLY ONE!" Israel-Moses-Buddha-Jesus-Mohammed: ONE! ALL ONE!

1st: If I'm not for me, who am I? Nobody! 2nd: Yet, if I'm only for me,

what am I? Nothing! 3rd: If not now, when? Once more: Unless

constructive-selfish I work hard, like Mark Spitz, perfecting first me,

absolute nothing can help perfect me! 4th: Only hard work-God's law can

save us, but if we teach only our clan? We're all hated then! So, we must

teach friend & enemy, the whole Human race, the full-truth, hard-work, free

speech. press-&-profitsharing Moral ABC's All-One-God-Faith,

lightning-like, 6-billion-strong, for we're All-One or none!

All-One-God-Faith, as teach the African shepherd-astronomers Abraham &

Israel, for 6000-years, since the year 1: "LISTEN CHILDREN ETERNAL FATHER

ETERNALLY ONE!" - WE'RE ONE! ALL-ONE! EXCEPTIONS ETERNALLY? NONE! ABSOLUTE

NONE!

5th: Whatever unites mankind is better than whatever divides us! Yet, if

absolute-unselfish I am not for me, I am nothing but classless, raceless,

starving masses, never free nor brave! Only if constructive-selfish I work

hard perfecting first me, like Mark Spitz-arctic

owls-penguin-pilot-cat-swallow-beaver, bee, can I teach the MORAL ABC'S

ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH, that lightning-like unites the Human race! For we're

ALL-ONE OR NONE! ALL-ONE! "LISTEN CHILDREN ETERNAL FATHER ETERNALLY ONE!"

EXCEPTIONS ETERNALLY? ABSOLUTE NONE!

6th: Absolute cleanliness is Godliness! Balanced food for

body-mind-soul-spirit is our medicine! Full-truth our God, half-truth our

enemy, hard work our salvation, unity our goal, free speech our weapon,

All-One our soul, self-discipline the key to love, uniting All-One above!

Above! So, when your fellow man you measure, take him at his best, with

that lever, lift him higher, overlook the rest! For we're All-One or none!

As teach for 6000 yrs. astronomers Abraham & Israel: "LISTEN CHILDREN

ETERNAL FATHER ETERNALLY ONE!"

7th: Each swallow works hard to be perfect

pilot-provider-builder-trainer-teacher-lover-mate, no half-true hate! So,

each day like a bird, perfect thyself first! Have courage and smile my

friend. Think and act 10 years ahead! And the man without fault? He's dead!

Do one thing at a time, work hard! Get done! Then teach friend & enemy the

Moral ABC that unites all mankind free! Uniting One! All-One! Face the

world with a smile, life is always worthwhile! To the fearless are given

crowns, keep out of the past, disappointments won't last! Help unite

mankind, or we're wandering clowns! Diligent preparation, precede...

spectacular restoration! So, help teach the whole Human race, the Moral

ABC's All-One-God-Faith, lightning-like, for we're All-One or none! All-One!

(Note - there is no 8th.)

9th: Free Speech is man's only weapon against half-truth, that denies free

speech to smear-slay-slander-tax-enslave. Full-truth, our only God, unites

all mankind brave, if 10 men guard free speech, brave! "If every one

religion unites all mankind, it will be by omitting all irrelevancies &

redundancies, added unto the Faith in One-Almighty, all-embracing,

ever-loving, ever-evolving, ever-recreating Eternal God, & by ABSOLUTE

NOTHING ELSE!" America's founding father, Thomas Paine, 8 books, suppressed

since 1799!

10th: Thank God we don't descend down from the perfect Adam & Eve to sinful

sinner, brother's keeper, divided slave! Thank God! United, hard-working

trained brave, from dust we ascend up! Thank God for that! Our brother's

teacher of the Moral ABC, mason-tent-&-sandalmaker Hillel, taught carpenter

Jesus to unite all mankind free! With it, every Human being created on

God's Spaceship Earth, can evolve united,

inspired-raised-trained-skilled-disciplined, guided lightning-like by a new

birth! Without it... we destroy God's Spaceship Earth!

11th: Essene & Chinese birth controls must reduce birth or Easter Isle type

overpopulation destroys God's Spaceship Earth! God's law prevents all

conception below pH3. Therefore, Essene contracepted for 400 years with

rosehips, pH2! So, absolute clean, apply vaseline oil, butter or cream,

insert teaspoonful juicy lemon pulp, pH2. O.K.! Next day, douche with qt.

soapy water, pH8, restoring pH5 balance God made! Eggwhite is pH9. Dr.

Bronner's soap, pH8, guaranteed the mildest made; below pH8 soaps

biodegradable, synthetic-sulfides cannot. At conception, 10 grams contain

100 million humans! or... 10 HUMANS IN 1 INVISIBLE MICROGRAM - SMALLER THAN

DUST!

12th: A great teacher, must first, a self-supporting hardworker be, like

Alesen-Baeck-Carnegie-Cousteau-Hammer-Liebman-Paine-Pike-Sanger-Spinoza-Stra

uss-Szasz-Wilke-Yadin-Zamenhof, or he'll turn our greatest teaching into

spades, to bury our people! "All people!", added Carpenter Jesus entering

manhood! Manhood! but, for 2000 years, we Rabbis never teach the Moral ABC

the real Rabbi Hillel taught Jesus, to unite the Human race in our Eternal

Father's great ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH! For we're ALL-ONE OR NONE! ALL-ONE! For

example: Einstein's Rabbi Levey evicted us from his University Princeton

"Hillel Foundation", when we asked: "You agree, of course, that Hillel's

hard work-speech-press-&-profitsharing Moral ABC, unites the Human race in

our Eternal Father's great ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH! The exact opposite to

Marxist-Socialism, that does demoralize-divide-decay the whole human race

today!

13th: "Knowing the full-truth that unites all, and not teaching all, is

deathly guilt." learned Jesus entering manhood! Manhood! But Marx, grandson

of 2 Rabbis, learned half-truth Ashamed, Marx wrote 1844: "One World

Without Jews," causing 66 million murders, many tortured-blinded,

terrorism! But Gorbachev found: "Surely God on high gave us enough wisdom

to unite all nations!" What an apology we Rabbis owe all nations for not

teaching the Moral ABC's All-One-God-Faith, the real Rabbi Hillel taught

Jesus to unite the human race! For we're All-One or none! All-One! All-One!

"Listen Children Eternal Father Eternally One!" These are the days my

friend, we know they'll never end! We'll work-sing-dance-love, marching on!

Marching on! We live God's law today, we win free speech OK! With

full-truth our only God, we rally-raise-unite All-One! All-One! Exceptions

Eternally? None!

All-One-God-Faith started 1000 acre Calif. rain-forest with 1 trillion

trees God's spaceship Earth can survive! Our 13 Essene Birth Control

Patents prevent overpopulation, save life! So in our town with 19 people

start a chapter of astronomers Israel 6000 year great All-One-God-Faith.

Send $10 for 10: $3 for 1 Moral ABC scrolls. 6 billion unite all free!

Instead of bombs, 6 billion scrolls unite the Human race instantly in

ALL-ONE GOD-FAITH! P.O. Box 28, Escondido, 92033 CA (760) 743-2211. ALL-ONE!

Finally, the following text is off by itself in a box:

CLEOPATRA'S TEACHER OF ABSOLUTE LOVE: THE "ABC" OF MAMA CAT;" WITH THE

SWALLOW'S 10 DISCIPLINES ABOVE; THE ARCTIC WHITE OWL'S BIRTH-CONTROLLED LOVE!

Arctic White Owls by Birth-Control survive: the female does not go into

heat until she sees three full months of frozen food for her young ones to

survive! Putting to shame our welfare-state, with its untrained masses,

enslaved by Marxist half-truth hate! Beavers, by family teamwork, stay

alive! Building dams, surviving the toughest winters without any welfare

help to enjoy life! Bees, once each year, drop three percent drone

parasites from hive! How else can life ascend-evolve-survive?

Cleopatra's Art of Love, evolved Egypt's Civilization 10,000 years back,

based on the God-Inspired "ABC of Mama Cat: Automatically, instinctively,

each Mama Cat teaches her young ones from the moment of Birth: 1st:

Absolute cleanliness is Godliness! 2nd: Constructive-selfish, build,

protect and raise food, home, young! 3rd: Absolute teamwork fertilizes

God's Earth! 4th: Absolute harmony with God's timing, easy birth! 5th:

Mother's Love-discipline, joy, strength, praise! 6th: Father's

stern-discipline, off titties when raised! 7th: Hardworking

self-discipline, brave! 8th: God's instinct-discipline, save! 9th: Absolute

self-reliance! Nine lives! Strength, to carry on! 10th: Absolute dignity,

beauty, relaxation, fun! 11th: Absolute tenacity gets it done! 12th:

Absolute perfect sense of direction, ESP! 13th: Free, brave! No Marxist

slave! Mama Cat's ABC of Love and the Swallow's Song inspired by the

Kingdom of God's law! All-One! Above! Above!

All swallows evolve united to perfect pilots by full-truth, hard work,

God's law, trained brave! No slave! Brave! Always evolving-united, free in

All-One-God-Faith! Hardworking, self-disciplined, no

parasite-blackmail-welfare-slave! Therefore, brave we live to

teach-work-love-inspire-unite! All-One! Win Victory! Help get it done!

Teach to unite All-One! All-One! All-One! For these are the days my friend,

we know they'll never end! We'll work-sing-dance-love marching on! Marching

on! We'll teach how to Love God's Way! We'll fight for it, OK! For we're

young and sure to unite All-One! All-One!

All freedom loving children hate the word "Discipline!" Yet,

self-discipline is the key to freedom! Without it, even the most brilliant

head remains useless, ineffective, small! How basic is self-discipline?

Anthropologist, Margaret Mead, found Arctic Timberwolves litter abandoned,

the mother probably killed: "So, we put the timberwolf pups with our

Daschund mother, since she only had one pup of her own. She raised the

timberwolves. Within three months, they were twice as large as their foster

mother.

Now, when we threw a chunk of raw meat into the kennel, the pups attacked

it ravenously, like timberwolves, but one grunt from their Daschund mother,

and they jumped back, stood still like a soldier at attention, waiting

obediently until the Daschund mother had eaten her fill, then with a loving

grunt she gave them permission to go back and eat!"

That illustration of love-discipline was amazing; but any wild animal, bird

or bee, has that self-discipline down to a "T", or there is no survival!

This proves we must replace, with The Moral ABC, our Marxist welfare state,

or we won't survive free! We perish by half-true hate! Learn the Moral ABC

to unite free: You Must Decide! 1st: Work hard to perfect thyself! 2nd:

United-loving, armed-brave! 3rd: To teach all, every slave! 4th: The Moral

ABC, 6 billion strong, with Essene Birth-Control, a trillion Isreal-system

fruit trees and "How to Love." lightning-like uniting all free! All-One!

Above! Above. With half-truth, slavery, barbarism gone! Evolving-united,

inspired-guided by full-truth, hard work, God's Law, Eternally One!

All-One! All-One!