Google is better at finding posts on reddit than the search on reddit itself
-load231, Apr 2016
The word "girls" is 10x dirtier on a neon sign.
-milksteak-n-magnets, Jun 2016
/r/ShowerThoughts is great because it doesn't require me to click on anything
-[deleted], Sep 2015
I bet if you texted "I heard what you said about me" to every person in your
phone you could find out some real shit for sure.
-squirtingispeeing, Jun 2015
The best/worst part of dreaming is that first fifteen seconds after waking up,
when you frantically worry "What am I going to do with all those giraffes and
meth?" only to slowly realize it's not an actual problem.
-trostlerp, Jul 2016
If Facebook and Instagram stopped showing the number of likes a post gets, I
wonder how many people would continue posting photos and selfies of
themselves.
-dehydratedaardvark, Aug 2016
Calling yourself a hacker for executing a DDoS is like calling yourself a lock
picker because you blew up a door with dynamite.
-MWMstudioz, Oct 2016
If you went back in time and met yourself, both versions of yourself would see
each other as the "old" you.
-Primetime22, Oct 2015
Why on earth are cereal bags not Ziploc yet?
-nyc_daniel, Aug 2016
Your age is just the number of laps you've done around a giant fireball in the
centre of the solar system.
-invoker_11, Oct 2016
Airports should have post offices in them so you can mail home all the crap
you can't bring onto the plane
-[deleted], Jan 2014
If you died while driving a Tesla on auto pilot it would drive your dead body
around for all to see
-slayez06, May 2016
When you procrastinate you're basically telling your future self, "Fuck you,
you do it"
-Sweepy_time, Mar 2016
Growing up, I thought 'slow dances' would be a bigger occurrence in my adult
life than it is.
-jolieminou, Aug 2016
In the future, our kids will ask us why we say "there's plenty of fish in the
sea".
-tonyp808, Sep 2015
Growing up my parents made me believe that someone turning a light on in the
car while I'm driving was going to be a much bigger issue in my life than it
actually is.
-Choco_taco_, Aug 2016
When we land on Mars, we need to choose the metric system or the imperial
system and never introduce the other. Ever.
-westicles11, Sep 2016
If Jeb wins the GOP nomination and makes Cheney his side man, their slogan can
be "same dick, new bush"
-jayzdubz, Sep 2015
I only ever wear my black suit to funerals. I own clothes that hang in my
closet, waiting for someone to die.
-aBuddhistProdigy, Sep 2016
My parents taught me to not talk to strangers online. Now that's pretty much
all I do on this website.
-I_Am_Not_Blue, Oct 2016