Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
-TankArtist, Jul 2016
Watching the first episode of Firefly and deciding to binge-watch the rest is
like getting into a relationship with someone you know will die in 24 hours.
-holman8a, Jul 2014
As a child, falling asleep in the car and being carried to bed was the most
amazing thing in the world. Now, as a father, doing the same for my daughter
is equally as amazing.
-Hobo_pancakes, Jun 2015
I'm pretty sure Earth and humanity is some alien's science project that he got
an A on, and now we're just sitting in his room somewhere while he's at
college
-hansoncane, Apr 2016
My mom doesn't know it but she likes me way better when i'm high.
-[deleted], Jul 2016
Drugs are like cheat codes for real life, they make the game more fun for a
little while, but stop you from getting achievements.
-letsgetblitzed, Sep 2015
If we got "YOU ARE NOW MANUALLY BREATHING" to the front page, it would affect
a lot of people.
-Max_Thunder, Feb 2015
Set your WIFI password to 2444666668888888, when your friend ask just tell him
it's 12345678
-marseitindel, Sep 2016
Deadpool should have leaked a fake version of the film where it's just
Deadpool playing with action figures reenacting the entire film.
-TheMightyBreeze, Feb 2016
If something really "worked like a dream" it's instructions would be really
odd and difficult to remember.
-tomtom615, Aug 2016
If Dr. Evil were actually a Medical Doctor, he would have to have gone through
a Residency at one point. If he did, his title would be "Resident Evil".
-themightyheptagon, Nov 2015
The best thing to come from 'Suicide Squad' will be the influx of Harley Quinn
costumes this Halloween.
-Snowstandards, Aug 2016
Porn websites specialising in orgies should use .org instead of .com
-RedCardedForever, Apr 2015
Fleeing from police is like choosing the double or nothing option.
-swim1929, Jun 2015
Religious people that haven't read their Holy books are basically clicking
"Agree" without reading the Terms and Conditions
-Batman4815, Sep 2016
All my professors this semester have degrees from Harvard. So I guess I'm
getting a Harvard education.
-TheArkLuno, May 2016
According to most ghost photos, our clothes must have a soul too, otherwise
all ghosts would be photographed naked.
-YoungLungsCoughing, May 2016
In the same vein as TLDR, there should be a NHDW abbreviation meaning "no
headphones, didn't watch," for videos.
-cleverreference1, Jan 2016
If I'm high enough to think my dog thinks I smoke too much, he's probably
right.
-OhGodtheAssSpiders, Oct 2015
Just realised "fortnight" is short for fourteen nights
-yorkiecd, Nov 2015