There should be a rule that movies can only use footage from the first 20

minutes of the film in the trailer

-GiveMeBackMySon, Aug 2016

Being old means referring to 3AM as "really early" instead of "really late".

-Peterpasteeater, Mar 2015

If aliens come to earth, we have to explain why we made dozens of movies in

which we fight and kill them

-sKnochenbrecher, Jul 2016

The worst part about food poisoning is that you paid for it.

-cosmosomsoc, Apr 2016

I feel uncomfortable calling someone from Mexico a "Mexican," or calling

someone who follows Judaism a "Jew," even though they are technically correct

terms, because assholes use those words as derogatory insults.

-cutethulu, Aug 2016

Cartoons made me think dog catchers were super common, but now I'm pretty sure

they don't even exist

-jflem99, Jun 2016

Google should start an online dating service because at this point they know

more about everyone than any other service. They could use all that data to

make better matches than any other dating service in history and you wouldn't

have to bother entering it all in.

-Joshtopher_Biggins, Mar 2015

We're not nearly as appreciative of how many years we've gone without Jersey

Shore as we should be.

-ZeGermanDoctor, Dec 2015

Getting a blow job is literally having "the life sucked out of you."

-idothisinmysleep, Oct 2015

Of 7 billion, I am my dog's favorite person on the planet.

-ghrew, Sep 2015

If there were only two people left on Earth and they got into a fight, that

would probably be considered a World War.

-JamesTheSnail, May 2015

Girl Scouts are the ONLY door to door salesmen that make me want to say "Where

the hell have you been?!" when they show up

-BloodyFreeze, Feb 2015

If Firefly had aired in 2015 instead of 2002, it would probably have just

moved to Netflix when it was cancelled.

-anschelsc, May 2016

The number 14233221 describes itself; it has one four, two threes, three twos,

and two ones.

-g_kaiser96, Feb 2016

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who

claim to have been abducted by aliens.

-brandonberry, May 2014

In a figurative context, the adjectives "blunt" and "to the point" have

similar meanings, but in a literal context, they are exact opposites.

-CharlemagneAdelaar, Apr 2016

If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so?

Wouldn't there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?

-Shawanabear, Apr 2015

If Japan had won WWII, we'd be learning in school about the Japanese freeing

people from the concentration camps in America.

-MaleGoddess, Feb 2015

There are two types of people in this world. Those who clear remaining time

when they're done with the microwave, and monsters.

-Sans_Snu_Snu, Apr 2016

Thieves should carry handheld vacuums to scare away guard dogs

-WilliamHTaft, Jun 2016