You know, for an adult cartoon I've liked Family Guy less and less as I've

grown older

-0ddStranger, Feb 2016

I am really proud of the soft drink industry for agreeing on a standard cap

size for bottles.

-ollierwoodman, Jul 2016

At one point in history there was someone who was the first to shoot a human

with a gun and kill them. They were literally the first person shooter.

-Djerrid, Jan 2015

If every human began as a single cell, and it's estimated that the adult human

body has over 37 trillion cells, you have increased your size by

3,700,000,000,000,000% you fat fuck

-abredar, Jun 2015

Meth cooks need to stop making Meth, and start making that 750$ AIDS pill.

-rickreflex, Sep 2015

When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don't think we are running

from or to something.

-SoilworkFanatic, Jan 2014

Barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was finally invented.

-twilkezz, Jun 2016

Saying "I've loved you since our first date" is way less creepy than saying "I

love you" on the first date.

-djliquidvoid, Oct 2016

Everyone pointing out for years that Leo hasn't won an Oscar was more of a

recognition of his talent than the actual Oscar.

-mortyshaw, Feb 2016

most of the people i see driving around in retired police cars look the sort

of people who've spent plenty of time in the back of police cars

-3ntl3r, Jan 2016

That "your pornstar name is" thing is an elaborate con to get the name of your

first pet and the street you grew up on to answer security questions.

-thegrinderofpizza, Aug 2015

Facebook is the refrigerator of the internet; you know there's nothing good in

it, but you keep going back to check

-b00bsRc00L, Dec 2014

How far back in history do you have to go before it's considered archaeology

instead of grave robbing?

-brotherbunsen, Mar 2014

What if dogs are scared of thunder because they think it's the bark of a more

dominant dog

-mrweefee, Jul 2016

There should be a dating site called netflix and chill, and people are only

matched by how similar their netflix accounts are.

-sbaker93, Oct 2015

Snapchat is ruining all the progress we made on getting people to take

horizontal videos

-spaceman_sloth, Jun 2016

There should be a TL;DR on terms and conditions

-Pgrol, Oct 2016

What if Axe was invented by women to easily spot the douchebags?

-GrandMa5TR, Jun 2016

I wish they'd stop remaking good movies, and instead remake bad movies that

have good concepts so they're better.

-SkrublordPrime, Jul 2016

Your ass is your leg's shoulder

-chapelhillkid, Oct 2015