People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use

it to charge cigarettes.

-Kirryu, Jun 2016

Everyone gets three random wishes granted in his or her lifetime, but almost

all of them are wasted on things like "I wish this light would turn green,

already!" or "I wish it would stop raining."

-ghoti00, Apr 2014

I used to look at my Grandfather carving with a knife and thought he was a

master carpenter. He'd look at me with a computer and think I was a software

engineer

-thwappy, Sep 2016

I should get a tattoo of a QR code, so if somebody finds my body and scans it,

they'll be Rickroll'd.

-drain65, Jul 2015

50% of Roger Federer's name is "er"

-JonSnuhhh, Mar 2016

Anyone who might've invented time travel is dead & floating out in space

because we don't yet have space travel advanced enough to keep up with the

movement of Earth over time.

-you_zehr_naime, Oct 2015

I haven't misspelled bananas in 10 years thanks to Gwen Stefani.

-marmot1101, Aug 2015

A baby chicken is a chick. An adult chicken is a hen. chick-hen

-wolfbearwolfbear, Aug 2016

Police sirens should be illegal on the radio

-Rick_Flames, Jul 2016

75% of reddit going dark means this is probably my best chance of ever getting

to the frontpage

-JeLoc, Jul 2015

Reddit is the only site where I actually want to read the comments.

-amateur_polymath, Feb 2015

Chuck E Cheese is a casino for children

-jamiegandolf, Jan 2016

Every time a celebrity dies, someone goes through their Wikipedia article and

change all of the 'is' phrases to 'was'.

-percussionartisan, Aug 2016

As someone with a bad memory, I wish I could Google things that happened in my

life.

-MN_Pups, Jul 2016

There are probably epic space battles happening right now somewhere.

-tatersmith7, Apr 2016

Googling 'nice truck' will never be the same again.

-Bill-Murrays-Wiener, Jul 2016

A man will treat a woman like a princess until she starts to act like one.

-kreebog, May 2015

Your dog doesn't know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the

dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.

-Throw13579, Aug 2015

I just realized that whenever I hear a "... walk into a bar" joke, Ive been

picturing the same bar my whole life. I wonder if it exists somewhere or if

its just a mesh of different bars I saw on tv as a kid.

-forgotaboutsteve, Oct 2016

If Bill Gates gave me 40 billion dollars, he would still be richer than me.

-I-think-Im-funny, Jan 2015