500 years ago indigenous peoples must have wondered "are we alone on this

planet" the way we wonder if we are alone in the universe. Then they actually

had to endure attacks from aliens with superior technology like we're afraid

of.

-furrrsurre, Aug 2016

Falling asleep is the best example of "fake it till you make it".

-felixtre, Jan 2016

The reason squidward is so bad at the clarinet is probably because they are

underwater..

-Mitchell-182, Jun 2015

I can transfer data from my brain to someone else's by opening my mouth and

pushing air in their direction.

-reid0, Sep 2014

My so-called "action figures" just stand there.

-Propane13, Nov 2013

Scooby-Doo taught us that the real monsters always turn out to be humans.

-OldManWilikers_, Jun 2014

I wonder if prostitutes tell their clients "It's been a business doing

pleasure with you."

-roflhitler, Sep 2015

When I accidentally type my password into the username box, I always feel like

someone is watching me and saying "Finally got him."

-thenixnerd, Oct 2016

Liking a post before it hits the front page is like knowing someone before

they get famous.

-tifff420, Jul 2015

If I know someone can take a joke/insult without being offended, then I don't

mind if they insult me. But if it is someone who gets offended easily who

insults me, I find that offensive.

-Joshsh28, Sep 2016

Between pens and lighters, Bic is making a fortune off of people losing their

products..

-jhoncat2, Oct 2016

According to a study, when you begin a sentence with "according to a study,"

people will believe anything you say.

-Ragnar_Targaryen, Jun 2015

Everybody says the idea of a unicorn is ridiculous, but Narwhals are more

ridiculous and they exist.

-Glorious_Bacon_Ninja, Jul 2013

A college diploma is just a receipt

-Ugadawg101, May 2015

If I shout out "GOD IS GREAT!" right now on this packed subway I may get some

strange looks. If I shout out "GOD IS GREAT!" in Arabic however I may cause a

panic and get arrested.

-HardToPeeMidasTouch, Nov 2015

For me, all Reddit posts are NSFW. Because if I get caught browsing Reddit at

work I'll be fired.

-iamjamieq, May 2015

FBI director says citizens filming the police makes them, 'feel like they're

under siege'... The tv show COPS is on its 28th Season...

-[deleted], Oct 2015

The song "Summer of '69" will have a major resurgence in 53 years

-DrejmeisterDrej, Jun 2016

One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be

like, "Samsung has had this feature for years".

-krazzzzykarl, Sep 2016

When my laptop is plugged in and I'm using headphones there is essentially a

continuous string of wires/technology connecting my body to some power plant

miles away.

-logeypierogie, Mar 2015