As a kid, I thought people used "grow up" to mean "be tough enough and brave

enough to stand up to the world's bullshit", as an adult I realize people

actually used the phrase to mean "be jaded enough to resign yourself to the

world's bullshit without complaining".

-[deleted], May 2016

I have now gone from seeing a group of people at 3am and thinking, "Great

another drug trade" to "Great another Pokemon Go group."

-IAmTilted, Jul 2016

It must be difficult for someone named "Rob Banks" to open a checking account.

-SearchingDeepSpace, Jun 2015

The biggest clickbait on Reddit is not the NSFW tag, it's "comment score below

threshold"

-247NoSleep, Nov 2015

Apple should respond to Google Glass with the iPatch

-sam_wise_guy, Aug 2014

You could seriously piss off your neighbours by buying a puppy and naming it

the same as their child.

-chilejon, Apr 2016

The idea of a ghost that moans may have been started by children whose parents

were having sex in the adjacent room and denied having heard the sounds.

-AlenGiss, Oct 2016

Thanks to gifs, millions today enjoy silent movies like people did a century

ago, not annoyed by the lack of sound.

-niktemadur, Aug 2016

Steve Harvey fucked up reading info from a card, but that's all that

motherfucker does on Family Feud.

-ChrisTaliaferro, Jan 2016

Lesbian Friends with Benefits should be called Breast Friends

-Hoftrugh, Sep 2014

Someone is going to be that guy that dies an hour before we discover aliens

for the first time.

-boblawslaw, Sep 2015

If I'm lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day.

-Strant, Jun 2014

The genius of Nutella isn't so much how is tastes but how the company was able

to market what is basically frosting as an acceptable breakfast spread.

-Mr_Saturn1, Jul 2016

The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a

scam.

-Jorogasm, Feb 2016

Ashtray is just Pig Latin for Trash.

-TooTallForPony, Aug 2015

Tinder and Spotify should pair up and match you with people who listen to the

same music as you.

-MAG_Reloaded, Jun 2016

Facebook should add a feature called "breakup" so it can immediately remove

all traces or even slight connections to your ex.

-dodeleek88, Jan 2015

Up voting something that has already made it to the front page is like giving

Bill gates a dollar.

-Array2912, Aug 2014

If you put a hat on the ground it is like the earth is wearing a tiny hat.

-PrincessAppleBee, Aug 2015

Do sperm banks give out their wi-fi password instead of porn magazines now?

-r-squared11, Mar 2015