Most of the men and women in a gym are working toward the same goal, the
perfect female body.
-Kden133769, Apr 2016
Mobile keyboard space bars should have two parts - one part is if you want
autocorrect to correct you, and the other part is if you don't want
autocorrect to correct you
-tansasciadam, Aug 2016
Amazon should have a take a penny leave a penny system where you can get rid
of your unwanted 13 cents left on a gift card and somebody can use up to a
dollar of what people left if they are a little bit short.
-mario0102, Jul 2015
Dishware and flatware should be sold in sets so your spoon matches the
curvature of the bowls for maximum scoopability.
-PBR_Sheetz, Jun 2016
Oh my God. Arby's. Like R.B.s. Like Roast Beefs
-Grizz359, Aug 2016
One advantage of being a woman is no one can surprise you with a kid years
later and tell you you're the mom.
-James_linker, Jul 2016
When I lost a tooth as a child the Tooth Fairy brought me a dollar. When I
lose a tooth as an adult the Tooth Demon takes away $1,000!
-jaspersurfer, Jun 2016
If a building is built on a plot, and each floor is a story, is each room a
chapter?
-qwertyboard_, Jun 2016
I'd find less money on the ground if I was more confident
-cokeflu, Aug 2015
Dogecar spelled backwards is Racegod.
-Mrbasfish, May 2014
All accounts should have a "I lied about my age before" option for when you
actually turn 18.
-scottylime, Jul 2016
I base my purchases almost solely on user reviews, but I never review products
myself.
-Nodnarb31, Mar 2016
If you carved a dick in a dead man's arm bone, it would be a humorous
posthumous humerus wound.
-CreedDidNothingWrong, Apr 2015
If a doctor is performing an abortion, and someone barges in yelling, "Abort,
abort!", does he stop, or get really enthusiastic?
-iGALEXY, Oct 2014
Farts are ghosts of your food
-[deleted], Nov 2014
Ironing boards are just surf boards that stopped pursuing their dreams and got
a real job instead.
-ImThatMan0nTheMoon, Jul 2016
If a baby is born at 1 AM EST in New York (10 PM PST the previous day), and a
baby is born one hour later in Los Angeles (11 PM PST, 2 AM EST), the second
child born is legally older, while actually being an hour younger.
-TheOrganicMachine, Jul 2015
Five to ten years ago, custom cell phone rings were all the rage. Today,
everyone I know either uses the stock ringtone or keeps it on vibrate.
-salad_dressing_dude, Sep 2015
More Americans have been dumped by Taylor Swift than have died from Ebola.
-SergeantR, Oct 2014
Amazed that no science fiction book has been written based on the outcome of
somehow finding definitive proof that there are no aliens - it would be just
as shattering as the opposite.
-alphabet_street, Aug 2015