Downvotes should move a post up in /r/dadjokes.

-eucalypocalypse, Jun 2015

Every time you agree to date someone, statistically they then become the

person most likely to kill you.

-parislovestory, Feb 2015

If having sex on an airplane puts you in the mile high club, does having sex

on a subway put you in the six foot under club?

-therealjamiev, Jul 2014

"Textbook" is a pretty meaningless way to differentiate a type of book.

-DietOfTheMind, Oct 2016

Battleship is just a two person bingo.

-Torrgud, May 2016

I'm one of those that think that 1995 is 10 years ago but now 2004 is 10 years

ago

-coolsteed, Jan 2014

The number 14233221 describes itself; it has one four, two threes, three twos,

and two ones.

-g_kaiser96, Feb 2016

People who turn 47 today have a birth date of 2/4/68.

-BarryMFBurton, Feb 2015

Since a straight line only needs two points, you and I are perfectly lined up

right now.

-CombustibleA1, Aug 2014

What if Tesla cars aren't self driving, but are secretly remotely controlled

by cheap Indian employees?

-[deleted], Jul 2016

I wonder if Rick Astley thinks, "Got me again, you bastard" every time he

looks in a mirror

-HumanClaymore, Sep 2016

If I owned an adult store, policy would have staff conclude a sex toy sale

with a cheery smile and a hearty 'Now go fuck yourself!'.

-NewbPat, Apr 2015

When a pet is terminally ill, we euthanize it because letting it suffer is

"inhumane." When a person is terminally ill, they must suffer it out because

euthanizing them would be "inhumane."

-aaaaaaaaandrew, Dec 2014

If the guy that got beheaded at the start of Skyrim had just let the priest

give him his last rites, there's a really good chance he would have lived.

-ReedsAndSerpents, Sep 2015

In 12 years or so... If reddit is still a thing, the kid that fell into

Harambe's enclosure might do an AMA

-Invictum2go, Sep 2016

The three Hobbit movies are the Star Wars prequels of this decade

-not-steve, May 2015

"Why can't poor people just get a better job?" is today's equivalent of "Let

them eat cake".

-PM_ME_A_NEW_USERNAME, Sep 2015

Websites should post their password requirements on their login pages so I can

remember WTF I needed to do to my normal password to make it work on their

site

-firstrival, Aug 2015

Most of my adult life has been about solving problems I created for myself

between the ages of 16 and 26 ...

-qui_tam_gogh, Sep 2016

People that think Eve was made from Adam's rib and are against stem cells

don't really understand what's going on.

-stevemiles1234, Dec 2014