All skiing is water skiing.

-Oiyeahna, May 2015

My girlfriend has literally sucked life out of me.

-Scott_Free27, Apr 2015

If "look like a million bucks" is a compliment in the U.S., I bet it wouldn't

work in Britain. "Does this dress make me look fat?" "No honey, you look like

a million pounds!"

-Lock_n_key, Jul 2015

A snowman is technically a body of water

-thescentofwater, May 2016

If I could teleport, I'd still probably be late everywhere.

-IamSkudd, Oct 2016

The "M" in "MTV" now stands for "miscellaneous."

-[deleted], Oct 2015

In England, if you don't pay for your TV licence, you can be sent to

prison. Where you can watch all the TV you want, without needing a licence.

-MrMikeHunt, Nov 2014

Let's give the top 100 richest people in the world cancer and see how long it

takes to be cured.

-kittyonmeth, Sep 2016

It's ok if Playboy stops publishing nudes, because everyone I've ever talked

to only gets the magazine for the articles.

-JJMFB417, Oct 2015

Some people think that calling a bf 'Daddy' is disgusting but calling them

'baby' is ok

-PM_ME_UR_CUM_VIDS, Aug 2016

Microwaves should have a "midnight snack" button that mutes the beep

-rtrench, Oct 2016

Snakes are free range tentacles.

-ate2bugz, May 2016

I wonder how many Oscar heads have been in vaginas.

-klsi832, Feb 2016

The guy who did the cinematography for the film JFK (1991), has "shot JFK" on

his resume.

-realwalkindude, Dec 2015

If Kim Jong Un does anything really impressive and tells people, no one will

ever believe him

-IAMAWalrus_AMA, Dec 2015

The deadliest character in video game history is probably the first goomba in

the original Super Mario Brothers. Between people not knowing how to play, not

paying attention, and little kids playing that level that guy has probably

killed Mario more times than all other bad guy characters combined.

-furrrsurre, Apr 2015

Porn sites should partner with dating sites, track your kinks, and match you

with people who are into the same things.

-autopornbot, Jun 2015

CPR is the human version of blowing in a videogame cartridge and hoping it'll

work again.

-godblow, Feb 2015

My childhood punishments (going to bed early, not leaving the house, etc) have

become goals as an adult.

-saracandy39, Sep 2016

What if the Egyptians used to have an advanced written language like ours but

became addicted to memes and eventually just started using pictures to

communicate?

-gruesomeflowers, Aug 2015