Eggs have such a good balance of nutrients because they literally contain all

of the ingredients for a small animal.

-saltr, Sep 2014

Saying you're on Tinder to "find friends" is like saying you're going to a

crackhouse to buy aspirin.

-Alex_Huntington, Sep 2015

Everyone that you see in the grocery store is buying ingredients for poop.

-KCG0005, Sep 2014

The exact opposite of a sphere (0 corners) would be infinite corners. Which

would probably look like a sphere.

-SlapmyFace, Apr 2016

If Nintendo made a Virtual Reality Mario Kart that could quite possibly be the

most insane game ever.

-El_Tentecal, Apr 2016

I will never know true disappointment like the first people did when they

found the ocean and tried to drink it.

-moseybjones, Aug 2016

I was joking about inventing button-up tank tops for formal occasions. Then I

realized, they're called Vests.

-[deleted], Sep 2014

95% of the time when I think food smells great it's just onion and/or garlic

cooking.

-[deleted], Apr 2016

I've never seen an angel depicted with a moustache.

-population_you, Jul 2016

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should host a cooking show where contestants have to

guess what he's cooking by smell alone.

-ULTRA_Lenin, Nov 2014

I never read someone's username until somebody points out how ridiculous it is

-PM_ME_YOUR_PANINIS, Aug 2015

I occasionally still catch myself thinking 'when I grow up I'm going to...',

then I remember that I'm in my 30s with a wife and child, a house, car, job...

-Mish106, Nov 2015

The reason Patrick is so clueless is because he lives under a rock

-itman290, Sep 2015

If the Mayans had ended their calendar in 2016 ,instead of 2012, it would have

been a lot more believeable.

-JVM_, Sep 2016

"Www" is 9 syllables long, whereas "World wide web" is three syllables long.

-WorzelBummidge, Jul 2015

I wish I could see a slow-mo replay of all the times I unknowingly almost died

-Land-Stander, Sep 2016

A ton of cows is not a lot of cows

-pikaras, Jul 2015

I wonder if trees are allergic to our sperm too.

-kinngshaun, Mar 2016

Are Medusa's leg hairs tiny snakes?

-superpie5, Nov 2015

Girls wear makeup to look older. Women wear makeup to look younger.

-morfean, Sep 2015