I'm positive there is someone out there on Reddit who subscribes to the exact

same subreddits as I do and we would be very good friends.

-washufeezee, Oct 2016

The trunk of an elephant is at the front, the trunk of a tree is in the middle

and the trunk of a car is at the back.

-CLBUK, Sep 2016

At age 25 if a friend tells me they're pregnant I don't know whether to say

"oh shit!" Or "congratulations!"

-sprogger, Jun 2016

Its okay to say that you hate people, but not a specific kind of people.

-Mutant_Llama1, Oct 2016

Running from the police is the equivalent of betting double or nothing

-nixon11, Feb 2016

I was much better at being myself when I was a kid.

-telephototulip, Dec 2015

People who rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation

-SlooshMcGoosh, Jul 2015

It's depressing that we live in a time when I can see a child freezing and

looking miserable walking to school but I can't offer a ride without fear of

potentially being labeled a creep or worse.

-PretendProphet, Jan 2016

It's not an "uncircumcised penis" - it's a penis. That's what they look like

naturally. We wouldn't say someone has an "unlifted face" or "unaugmented

breasts".

-FatherAndSun, Dec 2013

Every problem that takes place on earth is a "third world problem" since earth

is the third planet from the sun.

-wcrbarker, Apr 2014

If you organise and operate a marathon you can say you've run a marathon

without having run one

-swimming-bird, Jun 2015

Facebook is just a Pokedex for people.

-Wallach96, Oct 2016

When someone writes "tho" I think "ugh". I'm not judging them that's just

what's missing.

-BlackBox-, Sep 2016

If someone says they're gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone

out there is canning whoop ass...I'd be more afraid of that second guy.

-ChrisTaliaferro, Jun 2015

If you die in your bedroom, you've passed through its door an odd number of

times; if you die outside of your bedroom, you've passed through that door an

even number of times.

-enlightenment_being, Jan 2014

I haven't misspelled bananas in 10 years thanks to Gwen Stefani.

-marmot1101, Aug 2015

the strangest part of growing up is realizing how little adults really know

-gabirole, Oct 2016

People who decide not to have kids probably are the ones who should

-Countlesshrs, Apr 2016

Reddit is a classroom that rewards the class clowns as much as the smart kids

-CamImmaculate, Jun 2015

If September 11th would have happened on July 11th, it would have been

completely devastating to the 7-Eleven company.

-fhylelove, Nov 2014