I wish taco trucks worked like ice cream trucks. I'd run out every single time

I heard the mariachi music.

-Frazaza, Oct 2016

If we had 53 states, a prime number, we really would be "one nation

indivisible"...

-ParthS, Jun 2014

Maybe Anti-Vaxxers notice higher trends of mental disabilities in children

because they aren't exactly passing along top notch genes to begin with.

-Sick0h, Mar 2016

Ducks are the ultimate animals. They can walk, swim, dive and fly.

-Alfaron, Feb 2015

The first person that tested a parachute had to be a huge bad ass.

-Drewsky25, Jan 2016

We have two universal languages: mathematics, and music. One to describe the

universe, and one to describe how we feel about it.

-Alfalfa_Centauri, Aug 2016

Nothing says "top of the food chain" like squid-ink calamari pasta: you're

eating another animal, and seasoning it with its defense mechanism.

-hseidema, Dec 2015

Urinals should have a screen showing how many ounces you've pissed along with

high scores.

-regularpizza, Oct 2015

Monday the 13th sounds worse than Friday the 13th

-[deleted], Apr 2015

I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all of their free

time.

-danecooksucks, Aug 2015

We now have hundreds of emojis, but I still cannot underline, bold, or

italicize in a text message.

-blessedhellfire, Feb 2016

In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.

-pleasantreddit, Jan 2015

If you try to pronounce "lmao" you sound like a french cat

-Tinferbrains, Apr 2015

Every time you paint a room, it gets very fractionally smaller.

-Noosepeg9000, Apr 2015

If opposites attract, I should be dating a gorgeous, billionaire supermodel

that has a loving family.

-oppleTANK, Jul 2016

Master Splinter is the enemy of the Foot Clan because splinters injure feet.

-TheTrueFlexKavana, Sep 2014

Babysitters are just teenagers who act like adults so adults can go out and

act like teenagers.

-ChrisTaliaferro, Jun 2015

In cartoons, especially Tom and Jerry, the mouse live in a hole in the

wall. I've never seen this kind of hole in real life.

-ILikeWoodenTables, Mar 2016

Due to full body armour and so many castles, the medieval era would have been

the best time to survive a zombie outbreak

-Calmer_after_karma, Aug 2015

Pilots sound the way doctors write

-Horseahead, Oct 2016