I won't put my mouth on cow teats but I will drink the milk. I'll put my mouth

on my girl's tits yet would never drink the milk.

-HeyGirlAreYou18Yet, Oct 2016

I wonder who the first person to grab an active bee hive and crack it open

thinking, " I bet those bastards are hiding something delicious in here" was.

-CountOnZOly, Jun 2016

Quitting a job because you aren't being paid enough should be called a Wage

Quit

-whatthebitchsaw, Jan 2016

/r/gonewild is the friend zone version of porn: girls want attention and

validation from the guys but they don't actually want anything to do with

them.

-Captain-Cuddles, Sep 2015

For April fools day, the Onion should just post truthful and accurate news

stories.

-Explosivepuppies, Mar 2015

I'll bet a lot of Ziploc's annual profit is provided by the illegal drug

trade.

-ChrisWithWings, Jul 2016

In the time span of other countries, the US is a dumb teenager with way to

much money. We spend it all on "cool" shit like weapons, and think education

is stupid

-colehoots, Nov 2015

In highschool, eating lunch alone is considered lame and can result in

bullying. In a busy office, eating lunch alone and undisturbed is considered a

luxury.

-Kezly, Oct 2016

The biggest clickbait on Reddit is not the NSFW tag, it's "comment score below

threshold"

-247NoSleep, Nov 2015

Giraffes must take forever to vomit

-irritatedcitydweller, Dec 2014

Does my dog think i'm a hypocrite because I poo in the house?

-skywisefahr, Jun 2015

The older generation probably invented the internet to keep young people

indoors and off their lawns. It worked. Smart bastards.

-analest-analyst, Feb 2016

There should be a beer that takes 21 years to craft and age so on your 21st

birthday you can drink a beer made at the same time you were.

-BNDTxGhost, Jan 2015

HowToBasic should make an April Fools video where he cooks something

correctly.

-[deleted], Jan 2016

Kids in the movies are always upset when their parents don't make it to their

recitals. As a kid I never wanted my parents to show up anywhere.

-truthaboutcs, Jun 2016

Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to

feel like teenagers.

-ksnid3r, Oct 2015

What if humans are sperm's way of reproducing?

-foaming_infection, Jul 2014

Belt loops are like belts for a belt.

-youonme, Dec 2015

I'll bet that spider's just as pissed as I am that I walked through its web.

-principled_principal, Aug 2016

Being polite is so rare these days that its often confused with flirting.

-mystic1_wizard, Oct 2016