Homeless people should relocate to local Best Buy, Toys R Us, Walmart

locations for the holidays. Get line for Black Friday. Then sell their spot in

line on Thanksgiving night.

-Drowfire, Nov 2015

The NSA is the only part of our government that listens to us.

-krypel, May 2015

We need a Boy Scouts for adult men. I'd love to go camping, hunting, &

fishing and learn about nature with like-minded individuals.

-ShaolinMaster, Apr 2015

All the popular baby names you hate while pregnant will be the names of your

child's friends and classmates.

-bearssuck, Jan 2015

plus-size models are great, because they're finally showing young people you

don't need to be skinny to be beautiful. you just need an extremely attractive

face.

-edijakob, Oct 2016

The female equivalent of sausage fest should be called a fish market.

-gbcr, Sep 2014

Anti-vaccination people are more afraid of living with a kid with autism than

they are of losing their child from an illness.

-Decobran, Feb 2015

Your anus can release material all three states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas.

-cupboard1, Sep 2016

Deciding to date your best friend is like betting double or nothing

-dumpsterofdildos, Oct 2016

Every A in Australia is pronounced differently.

-atzyrus, May 2015

To a dog, farts are just long distance handshakes.

-Diabetic_Clam, Jan 2016

If 9/11 had happened in June, Seven-Eleven would have been screwed.

-TopHatz, Jul 2013

The way that chillies have evolved to avoid being eaten has completely

backfired

-BlueD_, Nov 2014

The Queen of England took a shit today.

-harmonicamike, Jun 2013

Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person

at a job fair.

-Cosmo_120, Aug 2015

My friend who's a professional psychic doesn't seem to know that I think her

career is bullshit.

-Air_Hellair, Jul 2015

Ghost sightings sure fell out of popularity now that everyone has a smartphone

in their pocket

-Lolawolf, Jul 2016

April Fool's Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate

news articles before accepting them as true.

-kellenbrent, Apr 2015

on April fools day, PornHub should change the mute button to a full-volume

button

-Soli--Noid, Jan 2016

People say that playing violent videogames will turn you into a violent

person. I've been playing sports videogames for some time and I'm still not an

athletic person.

-Psychii_, May 2016