If I know someone can take a joke/insult without being offended, then I don't

mind if they insult me. But if it is someone who gets offended easily who

insults me, I find that offensive.

-Joshsh28, Sep 2016

People who say they can't cook are basically confessing that they can't follow

instructions.

-frecklesandgegs, Mar 2013

The Grinch stole Christmas from the Whos. Horton heard a Who. The Grinch is

tiny.

-grumpyoyster, Dec 2015

Suitcases are terrible for carrying suits.

-Numberphile, Sep 2014

"I forgot to plug my car in" will eventually be the most common excuse for

being late for work.

-SyrCuse-44-, Jul 2016

Because they're loud and heavily-perfumed, Abercrombie & Fitch stores are

ideal spots for farting.

-comfortablydrei, Sep 2014

The game 2048 will probably have a comeback in the year 2048

-pacreams, Jul 2014

The laugh track in "How I Met Your Mother" would make more sense if it were

two kids laughing, rather than a studio audience.

-alex_jo, Oct 2016

The AIM "away message" was the original facebook status.

-violentshapes, Nov 2014

People who say that 'Wikipedia can be edited by anyone to say anything' would

be greatly disappointed if they attempted to do so

-jarghon, Apr 2016

If our ass was split horizontally, it would clap when we run down the stairs.

-changingminds, Jul 2014

We don't give the people who browse the New section enough credit for finding

us all of the good posts.

-JubilifeRival, Jan 2016

What if Lucifer is still God's best angel and he is just fulfilling a duty no

one else wanted to?

-Poof_Wonder, Oct 2016

The only time I've ever used the panic button on my car key is when I

accidentally press it, causing me panic.

-tdawg1911, Apr 2016

That one guy 10,000 years ago who was born with the first set of blue eyes

must have gotten laid so much.

-RoblerLobler, May 2015

If they re-shot the new Ghostbusters trailer with all males, I would still

hate it

-BigOl-J, Mar 2016

The question "what makes us human?" is essentially what makes us human.

-JuliTeaPot, Sep 2014

As a child, falling asleep in the car and being carried to bed was the most

amazing thing in the world. Now, as a father, doing the same for my daughter

is equally as amazing.

-Hobo_pancakes, Jun 2015

Unless you're a celebrity, Twitter is like talking to yourself in a crowded

room.

-Sir_Vyvin, Feb 2014

Stranger Things had to be set in the 80s because half their problems could

have been solved if everyone had a cell phone.

-SaraBellum42, Oct 2016