i'm in a bit of a dark place at the moment... feeling like i need a big change in my daily business.

well, one thing for sure, i have been drinking a red bull every day for a few weeks now and i'm getting quite unpleasant sensations in my extremities... feels like something being caused by the combination of red bull, nicotine and alcohol.

it seems to me like the red bull, and even just caffeine by itself, is the major cause factor in this effect, followed up by the vasoconstriction being caused by the nicotine.

ceasing smoking would cause a much greater disruption in my life at the moment, i always get very emotional and unstable when i stop smoking. stopping caffeine is not so bad, it's more just i slow down and start to talk a lot less and think a lot more.

in my job, we have reached a release milestone, and much of the work now has reduced greatly in its demand, and i'm not sure where i'm going with it next. i'm feeling like i don't have a role in the enterprise or more exactly it's starting to reduce a lot in scope and amount of time required from me to do my part in it.

and i'm dreading the thought of going onto linkedin to try and find a new job, but it feels a lot like i'm going to have to go there soon.

i have spent most of my life in poverty, either enforced idleness by the australian government's system of wage control strategies, or here in europe, homeless. i'm stuck on this island here and getting off it would probably not be that difficult but there is so much things i can't just drop, stuff that requires a lot of work to handle, my cat, my computer and my general collection of stuff.

i'm depressed at the moment, quite badly.