i think it's possible to be honest without being an a-hole though
Discussion
Of course! But humans usually don't like to be confronted. Let's be honest, we don't like to be called out lol. But, if we are honest, we acknowledge and take accountability.
I rather a truth that hurts than a lie or withholding. The person that does this to me I lose respect and trust.
it comes down to intention.
some use the truth as a lifeline.
many use the truth as a cudgel.
a lot of us grew up in environments where it was the latter...
however, i don't disagree with you here. just adding in my nuance. :3
I have often found though that some people then blame the person delivering the truth rather than the person cheating. So if you had suspicions and didn't act on it, where you deceiving yourself?
It's not a blame thing. Get out of that perspective. I am talking about withholding truth, and therefore trust and respect between people being broken.
Of course I acted upon it. Or else I would not be here speaking about it. I would be still emmeshed in a trauma bonding, all caught up in my head and emotions.
The video is more talking to men than women. And men's problems and relationships which are very different than between women who lean more on emotion/chaos than logic.
In your situation you blamed them for withholding information and most likely you would have blamed them if they had told you the truth about your man/relationship instead of letting you work it out for yourself. They didn't want to lose you as a friend and get between you. I think thats the smart move.
Since you know me better than me, where did I blame them from withholding?
Where in my writing you see that?
The video is talking about "people", not gender. And how people who call you an asshole for doing stupid things, are the ones who care for you, not the ones that applaud you for doing stupid things.
I had this men I was in love and we were trauma bond with each other. We had common friends that new he was after other women, and from time to time would visit them with a new one, while we were together. They kept it a secret until I disconnected from him.
I lost all trust and respect from this people. Even dough I can understand they probably did not want to hurt me, they did hurt me by keeping the truth from me. I had suspicious but not proofs. They withhold truth from me and in the end, hurt me twice,
With his behaviour and theirs. I felt betrayed twice,
so sorry that you had to endure that, Cristalina. you are a beautiful soul and deserving of so much love 🫂