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one of the key things to understand about Christianity is that the central thing you need to understand is that what you fear, you must put it somewhere else, in the hands of someone else, who will carry it for you, someone who can carry the weight of the whole world

why is this important? because fear stops us from living, it stops us from learning, it stops us from having a future

> Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

- Phillipians 4:6-7

the other thing is understanding that part of that weight is something you simply cannot carry, and so you bumble along, under the weight of a yoke that you can't see, being driven like an ox to perform labor for someone who only wants to watch you suffer

you let go of that burden by saying "Jesus, take this from me, I cannot do this by myself"

last night it became lucid to me what this actually means, not just words that sorta wash past my ears and don't enter into my mind

i have been slowly poisoning myself because i can't carry that weight, for decades, and i'm finally fucking over it

sin is error, and we can't help but have some in us, all of us have errors in our code, and we can't see it properly by ourselves, and that feeling of doom that it's going to run you into the ground itself runs you into the ground even harder

it's been a thing for me anyway, today is a new day and the beginning of a new age of my life... in fact i am coming to my first Jubilee - in 11 months time, and it is past time to renew

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Discussion

d23b7c1f... 1y ago

prayer is such a funny concept. Has any physics/electrical genius ever tried to map out exactly what is happening and how it works. is it just self-soothing or is it actually connecting to something else.

and how in the world is there always a dial-tone when you pick up the phone.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1y ago

well, i have no idea, something outside of time and space, lots of secretaries maybe...

i can understand it easily enough from a simple psychological perspective, precisely as i am describing it - surrendering to the unknown things that you can't change or affect and letting them go

if you are stuck in that "but... but... what if..." it burns so much mental energy that you can use much better doing something productive, it's a lot of energy it frees up when you say "i'll leave it with my bro Jesus and deal with this moment" it's a way of bringing yourself into the present and out of a disjoint mental model from your actual current existence

it really does work too... and sometimes you even get told things, i had one quite remarkable incident occur while i was on the outskirts of Bologna, paused in front of this country house with this really crazy road, was just kinda exhausted and the road was crazy dangerous and as you may know, italians are crazy drivers, especially up north i think, and this road was a deathtrap anyway

it just came to me "just wait here a minute" and a minute later this old lady pulls up and invites me in and feeds me home made bolognese pasta (bow ties they were) and some of their own vintage, packs me a bunch of food and off i went

this happened because i was constantly speaking out loud to whatever and it also answered on other occasions

out of this experience i started to come to this model of God as the Game Designer and in all good games there is hints when you are stuck

i'm in one of those places again and i think the lesson here is i have to maintain this chatter as a constant process, exactly as Phillipians 4:6-7 says it

that verse itself came to me out of the blue from a dutch friend, who was some loopy bahai guy, esperanto speaker and all, connected to the Open Society Foundation (yes that one) and i was super sus on this guy but that particular verse has stuck with me ever since and my life has always been better during the times i practised as it teaches

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1y ago

anyhow, just to give some more detail on what exactly i have dropped on my bro Jesus - it's my drinking problem...

after doing 350ml vodka and 2L orange juice and talking shit on cornychat and being quite ill (had also a bottle of wine in the afternoon) i'm like, i'm done with this shit, how do i let go of it

i pass it along to who offers to carry it for me

then i can let it go

i don't know why it works, it just does, you probably know of the AA 12 step and the thing about a higher power but i think fundamentally it is the case that the things that we do wrong to ourselves out of these habits are like demons that have become attached to us, and all we have to do is say "i don't want to carry this anymore" and then it's gone, after that, just to remember if it tries to slide back in, to send it back to who can hold it and actually have some freedom and life from this imprisonment

d23b7c1f... 1y ago

I did the same a year ago. I had to get to the point where I was like "I can't do this on my own. If you want to help me, God, I can't do it on my own."

it was only after that i could break the habit. Then i started to take God more seriously. I do agree it's like demons. At times i felt like i could almost see a black shadow sliding across a doorway.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1y ago

yeah, i had a really vivid vision of my demon, even had a smell this thing, was like dark grey tar, stinky ugh, this happened just after i started to realise there was something in me that bad people were taking advantage of me with it, that was when i started to build defenses against it, but this one is different, because it's not something other people cause, it's something i do to myself

and yeah, they move like cockroaches and slivers of smoke, and just ugh so evil