Why not just bring the components of a seedsigner (raspberry pi zero 1.X, a TFT LCD+Joystick Hat, RPi Camera, and a micro SD card) as separate packaged components? Keep the SeedSigner ISO encrypted/obscured somewhere or download it from the internet once in hostile territory, if possible. Assemble components, flash SD card with SS OS, boot from card and recover mnemonic.

If you want to carry it assembled, you could even use a game emulation Linux distribution as cover, to make the pi zero look like a toy.

https://seedsigner.com/?origin=serp_auto

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Because i am a very simple pleb who doesn't have the smarts😭.

Yeah but you have us.

Ok. I'll fly you out to The Far East, buy you a pint or 10 and you can be my electronics man and sats transferer, on the fly😬😎.

If you're willing to take on the learning curve of a signing device like a Jade, you probably are smart enough to plug some electronic components together and flash an SD, and if you have access to bitcoin nerds, there's like a gajillion of us online that are willing to help.