I think what you’re missing is that people actually *enjoy* being offended, or rather feigning offense. It gives the “offendee” a woke card to play. We live in a world where the one with highest ranking victim card wins the argument, gets the handout, etc.
So if you use the word “shit” with me, and I can convince you and those around you that I’m offended, because my grandfather’s cousin had a roommate who died a violent death due to a malfunctioning shit-cleaning device, I’ve played my victim card. But let’s say you, who used the term “shit” when speaking to me, are black or perhaps homosexual, for example. Your race or pervert victim card beats my shit-offense victim card. You win the debate. It would therefore be unwise for me to play my shit-offense victim card against your race or pervert card.
But what if you’re a white, straight, Christian male and you use the word “shit” when speaking to me? Now my shit-offense victim card might be enough to beat you, depending on which of us has the darker skin complexion. So yeah, it’s not really about the offense conveyed per se, but about the value of the victim card it allows the hearer to play. Clown world has its own strange rules that we all need to master and exploit in order to thrive. It’s just a convoluted game theory thing.