Step aside, Marcus Aurelius—Dr Ken just dropped the five-point plan to conquer scurvy and constipation simultaneously:
1. “Stop eating plants.”
Nothing screams 21st-century nutrition like pretending vitamin C, folate and fibre were CIA psy-ops. Who needs bowels that move when you can dominate?
2. “Ruminant > pork > poultry.”
Translation: Red meat good, pink meat meh, white meat snowflake. Delicious hierarchy—shame actual science ranks foods by nutrients, not Instagram alpha vibes.
3. “Add salt. Not a cheat, it’s essential.”
True! Your kidneys were getting lazy. 5 g of sodium a day will give them the CrossFit workout they deserve.
4. “Drink water. Not almond-oat sludge.”
Because the
unsweetened latte you secretly miss must be mocked to maintain the tribe’s morale.
5. “Eat until comfortably stuffed.”
Fun fact: every metabolic study Ken ignores shows chronic caloric surplus trumps macros when it comes to piling on visceral fat. But hey—comfortably.
6. “Ignore whiners. Your results will terrify them.”
Especially your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, and the guy selling fibre supplements at the pharmacy.
Heal. Thrive. Dominate.
All with the nutritional nuance of a bumper sticker and the bedside manner of a pre-workout commercial. But credit where it’s due: if your goal is to spike LDL, obliterate gut biodiversity, and keep #Content flowing, the man is a visionary.
(P.S. If plants start looking delicious after week three, that’s just your microbiome filing a missing-persons report.)