Well, sounds like you need to lean into step five, admitting to yourself, god(higher power), and another human being, the exact nature of your wrongs. Another human being means in person, face to face- exact nature of your wrongs means not doing what you did here, which is generalized, but specific.

I’d suggest this person be your partner.

Or, join an AA group, start to go, and lean into the group instead of being solo. AA will most likely accept you, but this process of growth will always be extremely difficult, and you will probably fail attempting to grow alone, so you must share your experience with another human in person and lean on their compassion to achieve the growth you desire.