Oh ho ho hooooo what an EXCELLENT thought experiment!!!!

I think I would need to do a doubles match. Representing the theologians would be both Martin Luther and Thomas Aquinas; representing the philosophers would be Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Paul Sartre.

I think their internal disagreements would provide an even more dynamic cage match, with shit talking both between teams and within teams!

There would need to be maybe some supernatural powers granted because I can't imagine any of them would have the muscle to properly chair shot someone. Maybe have a panel of bros and if they're sufficiently mind -blown by whatever witticism then they get called into the ring to fight by proxy pokemon style?

I choose you, TKE philosophy major super senior with the Amazon nunchucks!!!! Fight on behalf of existentialism!!!