Not being a smartass, but why not just not connect it to wifi and stream from a dumber device like the little $40 roku boxes? I'm admittedly out of the loop on the smart TV stuff these days.

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Some smart tvs won't work if they can't connect to the Internet, or they malfunction if they can't connect to the remote as server.

Damn. Okay, yeah, that sucks. Ours must be just old enough to not need that. It's a 4k Sony from a couple years ago.

no no, I _don't_ want a smart TV. I just want a fucking TV 😂

That ain't happening my dude. Maybe a projector? Some kind of videophile thing probably skips the spy crap, but only because they cost as much as a house.