nostr DMs are a mess, three separate kinds with two different kinds of encryption, and most relays don't require auth to access them so the whole world knows who is talking to who
IMO nostr messaging is never going to happen without a new, relay based protocol, nip-17 is sorta getting there... i have a pending design that makes all chat events ephemeral and requires a nickserv/chanserv type specialised server to implement permissions and storage
none of it is going to happen without people making serious attempts... there is 0xChat and nostr:nprofile1qyghwumn8ghj7mn0wd68ytnhd9hx2tcpzfmhxue69uhkummnw3eryvfwvdhk6tcpzemhxue69uhkyetkduhxummnw3erztnrdakj7qg6waehxw309akx7cmtvfhhstnxd9shg6npvchxxmmd9uq3samnwvaz7tmpwshxummnw3e8wmmjddejucm0d5hsqgrucv52prwm9t7ln7d7w7l07nyrfz0lj7tjrqnav299gtej5frupc5f7xdc has been building a simple terminal based chat app, and most of the implementations in primarily kind 1 apps like coracle or nostrudel etc, are badly implemented and reflect the messy state of the specification and the retardation of the people who decide what nips get merged, and the people who are not trying to actually implement something functional, who are being discouraged by the nip guardians instead of boldly doing the thing