Six month hardforks is an exaggeration. Necessary hardforks to improve privacy and efficiency. No contentious hardforks because Monero users value protocol improvements. Unlike 2017 Bitcoin blocksize wars and segwit half measure. Couldn't even avoid userbase splits even without hardforks. Meanwhile Bitcoin still has zero default privacy and coinjoins are weak obfuscation.
Monero has strong default privacy, real world fungibility, and magnitudes cheaper txs fees than Bitcoin. Monero is a better p2p digital cash. Bitcoin can excel in it's SoV niche.
You're going to have to backup "mediocre to provide any meaningful privacy improvements" comment while Bitcoin transaction graph and amounts are completely open.
Monero:
Maybe Alice sent $[?] to [?]
Bitcoin:
Alice definitely sent $X to Bob
No one is forcing you to store your wealth in it... You can't walk and chew gum?