Did you both create your npubs with primal? And is that your only client? Do you use any other relays? I wonder if this is just another case of primal using the protocol correctly.
I created with Primal, yes, and use primarily Amethyst, occasionally Primal
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Hmmm since you use amethyst you probably have more than just the primal caching relay would be my guess. But I could be wrong.
I do