1. Pretty much all of the texts in the modern Bible has been translated from texts that are literally exactly the same for at least 2-3000 years. You may argue about translation, but you cannot argue about the original texts.
2. The texts are not bastardized. See above.
3. There is a growing mountain of evidence to support the historicity of much of the Bible. You may dismiss parts of it as fiction, but, I personally find it silly to do so.
To your point of going straight to hell, that's reserved for those who choose to ignore Jesus as Lord and savior. To be a Christian means to start there. So, I don't think you're correct on that point, either.
