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interesting perspective about the maternal urge and women not wanting children as much by default, but that they want to give them to a good man. i can't really argue with that since i'm not a woman lol—but is that how you felt?? though, that kind of makes sense because it's reckless and immature to just want a child and accept any sperm donor...

my thoughts in general are that the standard for men has changed the in modern era. protecting and providing itself isn't enough in the first world because it's nearly a default. women looking for marriage are typically looking for more than financial stability to feel loved. this means men have to bring better emotional support, shared responsibilities, and partnership qualities to the relationship.

the expectations for new mothers are grueling—especially if they have to work. having to manage multiple roles makes motherhood much less appealing. if the father isn't involved in supporting her during this time it leads to feelings of isolation and resentment. so as men, if we want children, we should be doing everything we can to ensure women that we can reduce that burden.

but i did enjoy the read because i never really thought about things from this perspective. it makes me think. :3

thanks for writing and sharing. ^^

Silberengel 1y ago

Women seem to be naturally attuned to looking for a high-quality partner; they want to have sex (which drives them to keep looking for a man), but they're quite picky and most will prefer no sex, over sex with someone they think isn't worthy (many men are the opposite).

The old search for "dads, not cads" is _incidental_, and a useful artefact of women looking for men who treat them well. Men who treat women well, will also tend to be attentive, loving fathers, so evolution seems to think it's an effective proxy, with which to "test" men on their fitness to be fathers. If he's chronically late for a date, he'll forget to pick little Bobby up from baseball practice. If he cooks you dinner, he'll feed the kids, while you're away. Etc.

(It could even be argued that young women can be so difficult and exhausting to deal with because young children are the same way, and if you can't handle her moodiness, try to live with an infant and some toddlers. 😂 It's very possible that successful evolution has actively lead to demanding females having more-successful children.)

The conflict arises because it's an artefact. Highly-effective contraceptive practices create an environmental hurdle to pregnancy, that men now have to "break through", if they want children. Women don't just get pregnant because they had sex, nowadays; it has to be somewhat deliberate.

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purrs_for_Her 1y ago

i agree with this nearly in its entirety. the most interesting part is your final paragraph. ultimately, i think i land on the side of it being a good thing, but i can understand it the arguments against it. perhaps it being more of a trade-off thing and "it is what it is"

Silberengel 1y ago

Catholicism (usually) requires both bride and groom to pledge to be "prepared to accept children", as a prerequisite to marriage, to force the decision.

Secular people often marry without discussing children (I have no idea how this happens, but it's surprisingly common), or with only one spouse desiring children, and that contributes to the divorce rate.

purrs_for_Her 1y ago

most secular people don't equate marriage with children at all. i come from a catholic background so it was something on my mind going in. even still, the "discussion" with my then Fiancé was basically:

"do you want kids?"

"not now, but maybe one day."

"yeah, me too."

"k"

but at that time we didn't know what we wanted, we just knew what we didn't want...

but i've known quite a few people over time that aren't in a relationship with the other person, but their idea of the other person. having those kinds of big discussions might shatter that illusion.