Women seem to be naturally attuned to looking for a high-quality partner; they want to have sex (which drives them to keep looking for a man), but they're quite picky and most will prefer no sex, over sex with someone they think isn't worthy (many men are the opposite).

The old search for "dads, not cads" is _incidental_, and a useful artefact of women looking for men who treat them well. Men who treat women well, will also tend to be attentive, loving fathers, so evolution seems to think it's an effective proxy, with which to "test" men on their fitness to be fathers. If he's chronically late for a date, he'll forget to pick little Bobby up from baseball practice. If he cooks you dinner, he'll feed the kids, while you're away. Etc.

(It could even be argued that young women can be so difficult and exhausting to deal with because young children are the same way, and if you can't handle her moodiness, try to live with an infant and some toddlers. 😂 It's very possible that successful evolution has actively lead to demanding females having more-successful children.)

The conflict arises because it's an artefact. Highly-effective contraceptive practices create an environmental hurdle to pregnancy, that men now have to "break through", if they want children. Women don't just get pregnant because they had sex, nowadays; it has to be somewhat deliberate.

I wasn't that interested kids, until I met my husband. Vaguely, sure, babies are cute, but I hardly ever thought about it. My mind was full of romance, not pregnancy.

I'd argue that women are still looking for protection and provision, from men, but they've moved higher up the Maslow Pyramid in their needs. Instead of protection being "defend me from bears and raiding tribes", it's "make sure we can afford to live in a safe neighborhood". Instead of "slay mammoth, so that we survive the winter", it's "help with the dishes, so that I can finish this presentation tonight and get a raise", or "bring home enough income that a difficult pregnancy doesn't run down our savings.".

Another thing is that women are now actively looking for signs of non-protection and non-provision. Men who are lazy, unhelpful, indifferent, spendthrift, drunks, violent, unfaithful, etc. are judged much more harshly today, than in the past. Adding a man to her life can now likely diminish the quality of her existence, rather than raising it, so he has to offer a lot more.

hmmm tbh it is not even standard to provide or support a woman anymore imo? women are expected to be able to take care of themselves on their own, maybe in exchange for the greater personal and economical freedom theyve been granted.

but its terrifying and difficult to have children alone for anyone, man or woman.

even a couple of parents is barely enough, indeed a village is needed to help in taising one human. there has been a breakdown of family and community in our times so that’s definitely also discouraging

i personally have been against having children because i come from a single mother household and it was rough and i have not turned out too well from it myself, and i am afraid of even potentially having to put a child whose life im responsible for through a similar situation. some pretty severe mental conditions have been the outcome and i personally see myself unfit to be a mother. so god forbid even the father would be an unstable wreck.

and also, maybe this is just a generational thing, but so many people currently in their 20s, to me seem extremely ill prepared for adulthood even if they are not boggled down by medical problems. like even though my partner is a wonderful and trustworthy person we are literally both still teaching ourselves to feed ourselves and keep our surroundings tidy and organizing our time properly. like i wouldnt even give a baby to hold to people like us lmao.