Nostr Web Client

interesting perspective about the maternal urge and women not wanting children as much by default, but that they want to give them to a good man. i can't really argue with that since i'm not a woman lol—but is that how you felt?? though, that kind of makes sense because it's reckless and immature to just want a child and accept any sperm donor...

my thoughts in general are that the standard for men has changed the in modern era. protecting and providing itself isn't enough in the first world because it's nearly a default. women looking for marriage are typically looking for more than financial stability to feel loved. this means men have to bring better emotional support, shared responsibilities, and partnership qualities to the relationship.

the expectations for new mothers are grueling—especially if they have to work. having to manage multiple roles makes motherhood much less appealing. if the father isn't involved in supporting her during this time it leads to feelings of isolation and resentment. so as men, if we want children, we should be doing everything we can to ensure women that we can reduce that burden.

but i did enjoy the read because i never really thought about things from this perspective. it makes me think. :3

thanks for writing and sharing. ^^

wuwi 1y ago

hmmm tbh it is not even standard to provide or support a woman anymore imo? women are expected to be able to take care of themselves on their own, maybe in exchange for the greater personal and economical freedom theyve been granted.

but its terrifying and difficult to have children alone for anyone, man or woman.

even a couple of parents is barely enough, indeed a village is needed to help in taising one human. there has been a breakdown of family and community in our times so that’s definitely also discouraging

i personally have been against having children because i come from a single mother household and it was rough and i have not turned out too well from it myself, and i am afraid of even potentially having to put a child whose life im responsible for through a similar situation. some pretty severe mental conditions have been the outcome and i personally see myself unfit to be a mother. so god forbid even the father would be an unstable wreck.

and also, maybe this is just a generational thing, but so many people currently in their 20s, to me seem extremely ill prepared for adulthood even if they are not boggled down by medical problems. like even though my partner is a wonderful and trustworthy person we are literally both still teaching ourselves to feed ourselves and keep our surroundings tidy and organizing our time properly. like i wouldnt even give a baby to hold to people like us lmao.

Reply to this note

Please Login to reply.

Discussion

Silberengel 1y ago

People are mentally-maturing slower, I think, yes. My kids are also not as far along, as we were, at the same age. (17 and 19) Probably didn't help that they were in lockdowns and etc. On the other hand, they have to learn a lot of stuff that didn't even exist, back in the 90s. We were still using phones with cables. 😂 They are much more adept at a lot of digital things, and better able to deal with human diversity, for instance. Every generation fits to its environment.

That said, having children literally rearranges the parents' brains, and makes them more efficient, so you might mature faster. People tend to rise to the occasion and babies are easier than people expect.

Silberengel 1y ago

Trustworthy men are worth their weight in gold. Congratutions. 🙂 Trustworthiness is so rare, nowadays. Attentiveness and reliability is the new protectiveness, really, as we live in an age where many people die from loneliness and despair. That's what babies need most, too, after all. Someone who cares. Infants can die from loneliness.

Looks like your internal compass is working correctly. 🥰

Also, don't underestimate how much younger people struggle just because they have so little contact with other people's kids, now. The world used to be full of babies. My niece was the first baby I'd ever held, and that was about a year before I had my own. I was completely bewildered by infants. 😂 Had to read the instructions on how to use diapers and the midwife had to show me how to breastfeed, and stuff. Totally clueless. We're all starting at zero, nowadays, but we're ignorant, not stupid. We can read.

purrs_for_Her 1y ago

idk, i've always strove to make my Wife's life easier. even when She worked steadily, i paid the rent, bills, etc. and She kept Her own money. She could always take care of Herself, it was just one of the way i expressed my love for Her.

but i can definitely empathize with the sentiments you share about having children. my Wife and i both come from broken homes and had similar feelings for awhile. it wasn't that we didn't want children, just that we didn't feel ready—we both had several issues to heal from and had to teach ourselves as well.

you sound very self aware in your reply, and i feel like that is the first crucial step for healing. maybe you never change your mind about having children, but at least you're doing your best to not repeat the trauma. thank you for sharing a part of your story.